


Next Generation Legend!

by hitchhikersguidetothealexy



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Parody, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:34:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29943852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hitchhikersguidetothealexy/pseuds/hitchhikersguidetothealexy
Summary: There's a new student at Hope's Peak Academy and she does NOT know what's going on. Say hello to Kameyo-- and also say good-bye because she's getting the FUCK out of here.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Next Generation Legend!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RollingBlunder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RollingBlunder/gifts).



> A gift for my buddy Grace <3 
> 
> Happy bday legend, I'm sorry there are so many shit jokes but it's because you laugh so hard every time I say "I'm gonna shit my pants" so I thought you'd laugh even harder if Byakuya said it.

KAMEYO  
Oh boy! It’s my first day at Hope’s Peak Academy! And would ya look at that! I’m late for the first meeting! If only I’d shown up fifty minutes early! 

But wait. Naturally I need to do a quick internal monologue about myself before I can interact with any of the other students.

Hi there! I’m Kameyo, and I’m the new kid in school. I’m so nervous for my first day! This school is only for the best students in their field. It’s like anime Swarthmore but instead of Jim Bock ‘90 there’s just a robot teddy bear for some reason!

Gosh! I’m so nervous I could shit my pants! I probably shouldn’t say that out loud though. 

MAKOTO  
You did say it out loud.

KAMEYO  
Oh no! My whole internal monologue was an external monologue the whole time!

MAKOTO  
Are you really gonna shit your pants?

KAMEYO  
No. 

[SILENCE]

Maybe.   
[SHE DOES SHY E-GIRL HANDS]

[SILENCE]

Just kidding I’m not. I’m just really anxious. 

MAKOTO  
Finally, someone who gets it! I’m anxious too! Being a new kid sure is stressful, huh? Especially when everyone else is the best at what they do! But also I’m anxious because everyone is about to start killing each other.

KAMEYO  
Wait what? 

MAKOTO  
Oh yeah so you missed the beginning part but basically we all have to kill each other and then figure out who did it. 

KAMEYO  
I feel like that’s not normal for a high school but I’m too nervous to argue. Who’s that?

MAKOTO  
That’s the headmaster who’s also a robot teddy bear.

KAMEYO  
I feel like that’s not normal for a high school but I’m too nervous to argue.

MAKOTO  
Well, before we start killing each other I guess we should get to know each other first. You know, so we can know each other before killing each other. 

BYAKUYA  
Yeah okay that makes perfect sense. You start Makoto!

MAKOTO  
I’m the Ultimate Normie.

[Everyone is awed.]

KAMEYO  
I could never be a normie.

MAKOTO  
It’s an ability I’ve spent years working on.

KAMEYO  
What about you? What’s your skill?

KIRIGIRI  
????

KAMEYO  
[nervous laughter]  
Yeah okay cool. What about you?

HIFUMI  
Technically I’m supposed to be the Ultimate Fanfiction Writer, but I feel...a disturbance in the force. Like someone has just taken my place. 

KAMEYO  
Huh. Weird. I wouldn’t know. I don’t read a lot of fan fiction. 

MUKURO  
I’m the Ultimate Soldier.

KAMEYO  
Wait so what are you doing in a high school? I mean, if you’re the ULTIMATE soldier, why aren’t you off, like, soldiering?

MUKURO  
I never learned trigonometry. 

KAMEYO  
Okay I guess that’s fair. But like, I mean, do you really need trigonometry to be a soldier?

MUKURO  
I literally don’t know what a triangle is.

KAMEYO  
I feel like maybe you should just go to a normal high school then? But that’s just me. What about you?

JUNKO  
I’m hot.

KAMEYO  
Okay cool I mean like I don’t know why that qualifies you in an academic sense but I’m not gonna question it. How about you?

BYAKUYA  
As per conservative tradition, I have no skills, just a lot of money.

KAMEYO  
Okay yeah that checks out I guess. How about this guy?

YASUHIRO  
I’m the Ultimate Clairvoyant.

KAMEYO  
Um, I don’t mean to be rude, but Ultimate Clairvoyant doesn’t seem like a real skill? 

YASUHIRO  
I knew you were going to say that. 

MAKOTO   
Okay well that’s all of us!

KAMEYO  
Actually that was only like half--

MAKOTO  
Yeah whatever. What’s YOUR special skill?

KAMEYO  
I’m the Ultimate Good Friend.

MAKOTO  
That’s not...that’s not like a special power. 

KAMEYO  
What do you mean it’s not a special power? Byakuya is the Ultimate Rich Guy.

BYAKUYA  
Hey! I’m a lot more than that! Tell ‘em Mokoto!

MAKOTO  
Tell ‘em what?

BYAKUYA  
I don’t know! Just tell ‘em! Tell ‘em I contain multitudes! Tell ‘em I’m a really complex person with a lot of emotional depth and insecurities! 

MAKOTO  
Are you?

BYAKUYA  
Tell ‘em I’m deathly afraid of bananas!

MAKOTO  
Why would I tell them that?

MONOKUMA  
Okay now that you know each other you have to start murdering those are the rules. 

KAMEYO  
Wait, if you’re the Ultimate Clairvoyant can’t you just tell us who did it before it even happens? This seems really obvious to me.

MAKOTO   
Huh. I don’t know why we didn’t think of that.

MONKUMA  
Okay so clearly we have to kill that guy first. 

KAMEYO   
Okay not to point fingers here but I feel like if someone dies then probably they were killed by the person who was trained to kill people?

MUKURO  
Ya know what? That’s fair. I really have an unfair advantage here. I can kill you all easily.

BYAKUYA  
Tell ‘em Mokoto! Tell ‘em I shit my pants! 

MAKOTO  
Did...did you?

BYAKUYA  
...Maybe. 

KAMEYO  
Wait, hold on. I still don’t understand why everyone has to kill each other. 

MONOKUMA  
Because I said so? 

KAMEYO  
Yeah but why? Listen, I happen to be a seasoned writer, so I know that you must have a secret motivation, and if you can just tell me what that is then no one has to kill anyone! 

MONOKUMA  
I won’t tell you anything!

KAMEYO  
That’s okay, I understand. You need time to open up and that’s alright. I just want you to know that when you’re ready to talk to me, I’m here for you. 

MONOKUMA  
Okay well it all started when I was a child…

[THREE HOURS LATER]

MONOKUMA  
And I’m like yes, I know that I’m a robot teddy bear and I was made to kill children, and I’m doing a good job of it.

KAMEYO  
You are, you really are. I mean, look at all these dead children.

[SHE GESTURES TO DEAD CHILDREN]

MONOKUMA  
Thanks that means a lot to me. I just can’t help feeling a little sense of regret every time I pass a Build-A-Bear workshop. Like, why can’t that be me? Sometimes I think I would be better off with no sadistic robot brain, just a head full of fluff and a little tutu and a tiny bear-sized skateboard.

KAMEYO  
Monokuma? We can still get you a little tutu and a tiny bear-sized skateboard.

MONOKUMA  
[SNIFFLE]  
Really?

KAMEYO  
Of course!

JUNKO  
So, just to clarify, we’re not killing each other anymore?

YASUHIRO  
I knew this would happen.

KIRIGIRI  
??????

MAKOTO  
Yeah you said it Kirigiri. 

MONOKUMA  
Wow. I feel so supported and cared for. You really are the Ultimate Good Friend.

LEON  
I can’t believe I wasted my life on baseball!

MAKOTO  
So is that it? We can all go? 

MONOKUMA  
Yeah let’s go to Build-A-Bear.

MAKOTO  
Thanks Kameyo! 

KAMEYO  
No problem! 

BYAKUYA  
I did shit my pants!

KAMEYO  
Okay! 

THE END


End file.
